There is a time and place for everything. Even tractors.

The best time for a tractor to be on the road is never.

This tractor could be riding on   field. Instead it's clogging up a road. 

I'm joking.

No I'm not but I do realise that my dreams of roads without the monstrosities are not realistic ones.
Tractors however do need to learn that there are just certain times of the day when it really is not acceptable for them to come out of their farms. These include:

1. Rush hour: Rush hour is a terrible time for anyone in a motorized vehicle, except maybe motorbikes but they can jog on. Everyone is going somewhere and if you are like me you'll probably going to be late to that somewhere. The traffic is already dire. Tractors make it even more dire and also make everyone angry because they are thinking "what the hell is this tractor doing out here during rush hour!".



2. Night time: Ok you might be confused by this one. You might be thinking, but Soup-emu night time isn't busy, surely this is the best time for tractors? Well you are partly right, and I'll admit on some roads tractors probably should be around at night in preference to the day. On fast roads though, tractors need to stay clear. The reason for this is simple,  imagine yourself zooming happily down the motorway at 70mph or beyond without a care in the world all of a sudden in front of you is this HUGE tractor. I know they are meant to be well lit, but sometimes you just aren't expecting this drawn out over-sized snail to appear in front of you. In other words DANGEROUS very DANGEROUS. If you hit the back of a tractor good night to you and your car (or rather bad night, depending on your view).

Caution isn't strong enough a warning for something this horrible.

 I want it to be known that tractors are horrible to over-take at any time of the day. I know we are taught to but since I actually got my licence I cannot think of a time I have overtaken one. They are just so big, and there might be cars coming from the other side of the road, and what if I don't make it. So in the end I have to follow this tractor until it leaves or I get a safe chance to over take it  e.g. on a dual carriage way.

So there we have it in short when I see a tractor on the road my happiness bar goes down a few spaces.

The sun and all the guilt it brings along with it

Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. The sun has arrived!

This type of news often brings large amounts of joy to the majority of mankind. Especially those that reside in the British ilses and only see the sun roughly four times a year. Sunshine over here in the Great British Islands causes a wave of reactions.

1. People are given the liberty to wear items of clothing that allows them to reveal some skin; shorts, skirts, bikinis, nothing. This is good for perverts who want to see girls scantly clad but it isn't so good for everyone who does not want to see that mans moobs.

2. Those with some money get to show off that convertible they spent a gazillion pounds and red rubies on. Which is nice for them considering that the only time they get to have the roof down is this time of the year.

3.  The population at the beach goes up from just people who walk their dogs to over ten thousand different people.

4.Everyone wants to spend every waking moment (and every sleeping moment sometimes) outdoors in order to attempt to go from being as pale as snow to a crisp bronze colour. Often this can result in snow-white to lobster red but people are always misguided and willing to try no matter what the consequences.

5. People suddenly think bicycles are an acceptable form of transport.

6. Every other status on facebook is something like "Wow! This weather is wonderful! What glorious sun!" or "LOL. Went out today to the beach with Sarah Myles and Judy Gording. We all 4got to put suncream on. Totally burnt now! lol xx"

7. There is some sort of expectation that as a human being you are meant to really love the sun. You are more or less expected to partake in at least one of the points listed above. At the very least you need to go outside once a day. If you chose to stay inside when it is sunny then you are a complete and utter fool. In fact are you even human?

The problem being that although I do like it to be sunny as apposed to cold, windy and shitting it down with rain. I'm not a sun worshiper. My mother finds this particually hard to deal with. She is constantly bugging me to go outside and enjoy the sunshine. Well rather she did. Now when I claim I like the sun because I don't spend every single waking moment outside she dismisses my claim.
"No you don't Emma you are always inside."
 That isn't the point but never mind. I just like it to be sunny but I'm quite happy for it to be sunny and for me to be inside.

A dream and the sickening reality

Here is the dream of how I think that I will be able to work just because I've said to myself that I will. Someone always comes and asks me how I am doing. In the dream I am doing very well. In fact I am doing so well that I have been able to clean my room, go to the gym and feed my dog.

In horrifying reality though I'm ashamed to say that the picture above depicts the truth. Instead of doing tonnes of work I do the polar opposite aka no work. I'm unsure why it is that liking every single post on facebook suddenly becomes the most interesting thing to do in the world or why I end up sending countless wall posts to people I really don't care about anymore. Or why my knowledge of buffaloes increases because all it does is lead to me procrastinating until the night before the deadline and then UBER PANIC MODE ensues.

Then this goes one of two ways. Either I complete my assignment with probably only minutes to spare before the deadline. So it is rushed and probably grammatically horrendous. It also means I end up buying thousands of pens because every single time I can never find a pen to write my name on the hand in sheet. So the SU shop has probably made a sweet fortune out of constant ineptness to carry a pen on me.

The other option is that I go into a complete meltdown and then don't hand anything in at all or half the words that were expected of me. This has luckily only occurred to me once, but still it was the worst once of my life. I spent the rest of the day wishing that the sofa would eat me up and that I would be freed from this tragic existence of bathing in the knowledge that I had definitely without question failed. I swamped around my flat in a mixture of over-tiredness and disgrace. My flatmates must have found my personal failing to be hilarious but they attempted to keep their opinions to themselves. Which was good cause I already pretty much wanted to end my life.

Ironically this post is being written when I need to do a fuck-ton of work. So I'd better scoot off and make an attempt at that.